1 00:01:01,975 --> 00:01:03,567 All aboard. 2 00:01:03,643 --> 00:01:08,205 The steamer Southern Star now sailing for Memphis, 3 00:01:08,281 --> 00:01:10,476 Vicksburg, Baton Rouge, 4 00:01:10,584 --> 00:01:14,315 New Orleans, and Cucamonga. 5 00:01:14,421 --> 00:01:17,652 Get your tickets ready. Your ticket, sir. 6 00:01:17,758 --> 00:01:19,487 What, no ticket? 7 00:01:19,593 --> 00:01:22,653 We'll have no stowaways on this boat, sir! 8 00:01:25,799 --> 00:01:28,563 Get your tickets ready, gentlemen. 9 00:01:41,148 --> 00:01:43,844 Eh, what's up, doc? 10 00:01:44,518 --> 00:01:47,646 Your ticket, if you please, sir? 11 00:01:54,161 --> 00:01:58,564 I've got three queens. What do y'all got, sir? 12 00:01:58,765 --> 00:02:00,824 - Four kings. - What? 13 00:02:04,404 --> 00:02:06,304 I'm Colonel Shuffle. 14 00:02:06,406 --> 00:02:10,433 The rip-roarin'est, gold-dingin'est, sharp-shootin'est, poker-playin'est 15 00:02:10,510 --> 00:02:15,243 riverboat gambler on the Mississippi. Yahoo! 16 00:02:16,149 --> 00:02:17,980 Be there anyone man enough 17 00:02:18,084 --> 00:02:21,247 to sit in a poker game with Colonel Shuffle? 18 00:02:21,822 --> 00:02:24,120 Well, be there? 19 00:02:29,629 --> 00:02:31,460 There be. 20 00:02:33,767 --> 00:02:35,496 How many chips, sir? 21 00:02:38,472 --> 00:02:41,032 A hundred bucks' worth, eh? 22 00:02:45,278 --> 00:02:49,339 Stranger, you don't know what you're in for. 23 00:02:58,959 --> 00:03:03,020 I've got five aces. What've you got, sir? 24 00:03:03,230 --> 00:03:06,666 I have got six aces, sir. 25 00:03:13,006 --> 00:03:16,908 If and I had four feet and went, "Hee haw," 26 00:03:17,177 --> 00:03:20,977 - what would I be? - Why, you'd be a jackass. 27 00:03:21,181 --> 00:03:25,481 - Choose your weapon! - Oh, for me? 28 00:03:25,852 --> 00:03:30,846 - You shouldn't have, sir. - No! This is a duel, sir! 29 00:03:31,591 --> 00:03:35,891 Remember, take five paces, turn, and fire. 30 00:03:41,401 --> 00:03:44,234 And the gentleman wins a cigar! 31 00:04:16,236 --> 00:04:17,726 What a goon! 32 00:04:17,837 --> 00:04:22,171 Why for did you splash me in the Mississippi mud? 33 00:04:29,883 --> 00:04:31,874 Hurry, hurry, hurry! 34 00:04:31,952 --> 00:04:36,082 You're just in time for the big show. Uncle Tom's Cabinet. 35 00:04:36,189 --> 00:04:40,922 Here you are, sir, one ticket left. Here you are. Right this way, sir. 36 00:04:41,027 --> 00:04:42,961 Right this way. 37 00:04:48,902 --> 00:04:52,702 - What a... - Why did you dunk my poor old hide 38 00:04:52,772 --> 00:04:57,300 in Old Man River, when I bought a loge seat? 39 00:04:58,078 --> 00:05:01,104 Uh-uh, doc, it's full of water. 40 00:05:28,074 --> 00:05:30,133 Eh, what's cooking, doc? 41 00:05:30,944 --> 00:05:34,072 I seem to be in a terrible quandary, sir. 42 00:05:34,147 --> 00:05:36,945 Could you change a ten spot, sir? 43 00:05:37,050 --> 00:05:40,042 I'd prefer a profusion of pennies. 44 00:05:40,420 --> 00:05:44,584 Are you sure it's a good one? Lots of counterfeits around, you know. 45 00:05:44,658 --> 00:05:47,126 Ah, well, you gotta trust somebody. 46 00:05:47,227 --> 00:05:51,891 Let's see now, $1.10, $1.20, 47 00:05:52,432 --> 00:05:56,425 - $1.21. - Thank you, sir. Keep the change. 48 00:06:06,813 --> 00:06:09,338 Oh, you beast, you cad. 49 00:06:09,783 --> 00:06:11,683 It's getting so a girl can't travel alone 50 00:06:11,785 --> 00:06:14,583 without you riverboat mashers getting fresh. 51 00:06:14,988 --> 00:06:17,957 I'm sorry, ma'am. I'm powerful sorry. 52 00:06:18,024 --> 00:06:19,958 Mighty sorry. 53 00:06:21,428 --> 00:06:23,760 Mighty powerful sorry. 54 00:06:30,503 --> 00:06:32,971 Oh, kind sir, save me. 55 00:06:33,039 --> 00:06:36,372 Save me from that horrible beast. 56 00:06:36,476 --> 00:06:38,307 What's this? What's this? 57 00:06:38,378 --> 00:06:41,609 Here, here, now, missy. I'll save you. 58 00:06:43,116 --> 00:06:44,947 Chivalry ain't dead! 59 00:06:45,151 --> 00:06:49,281 I can't allow you to molest that little flower of the South. 60 00:06:49,689 --> 00:06:51,520 Take that, sir! 61 00:06:55,328 --> 00:06:57,319 Did he hurt you, honey child? 62 00:06:57,430 --> 00:07:01,457 No, I was just terribly, terribly frightened. 63 00:07:02,001 --> 00:07:05,027 And you're so big and so strong. 64 00:07:05,438 --> 00:07:08,965 Why, poor helpless little me was just lost till you... 65 00:07:09,042 --> 00:07:13,672 Think nothing of it, missy. It was a pleasure, I assure you. 66 00:07:24,390 --> 00:07:27,450 Oh, well, we almost had a romantic ending.